So how did I get caught up in the social media trap?
Well everyone is on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and whatever other options we can join in on right? I myself am a Facebook user, anything past that is lost on me and to be honest when something changes on Facebook my husband usually ends up explaining it to me (we cannot be smart at everything right!).
Until about 18 months ago I used Facebook a fair bit - checked it a few times daily, uploaded photos, did regular status updates but the more I used Facebook the more my moods would drop, the higher my anxiety levels would be and the lower my self confidence would become. Now some people 'get it', they can switch off to the social pressure and comparisons - my husband is one of these people and for him that is great. It took me a long time to see this link, that within a hour of reading about some old friends weight loss I was looking in the mirror wondering how I could loose weight or feeling fatter than I had when I awoke that morning. Putting it like it I am shocked it took me so long to realise but I just didn't connect what I had read or seen earlier that day to how my mood had changed. What a hypocrite - telling my children to be grateful for what we have but feeling envy towards an acquaintance who had just brought a brand new car.
I thought for months about leaving social media, purely for my mental health but good old fear of missing out, that social animal kept creeping up but really what is social about talking through a screen, looking at what an old school friend ate for lunch?! As a home educating family, pretty much every group or event is advertised or organised through Facebook, this was something we really couldn't miss out on. I suspended my account though and my mind felt better, oddly I missed it for a while especially when my husband would tell me something he had seen but soon enough that passed as my brain became full of more positive thoughts. True friends have my phone number, we can message one another, talk on the phone, actually meet in person to catch up and you know what when we see each other we actually have loads to talk about because we haven't been having daily updates of our lives trickling through to one another through statuses and photos.
Two other experiences helped change my outlook on social media. Firstly we attended a party which was nice enough all be it a rather calm and a slightly quiet affair. On our return home photos by the organiser had been posted and I asked my husband if we had even been at the same event?! Wow those photos made the afternoon look much more energetic and full of laughter than it had been. This was someone who I had previously looked at their photos and felt boring, felt they had a funner life than me, that they were so social with a fantastic funny social circle, something I felt I was missing. I had been at this event and it was nothing like the photographs, how many more social gatherings were like this for them?
Secondly, we have all had the weight loss status updates come up on our news feed, now these truly got to me and to be honest I am not too sure why. Id see people saying how many pounds they had lost in the week and think I was lazy I needed to do something despite my husband saying they were overweight and you are not it just really bothered me. Someone on my news feed lost 5lbs in a week and I was taken back by their achievement, full of guilt and self loathing. I bumped into a relative of this person a fortnight later and passed comment on how well they were doing with working towards a healthy weight. The response I received was unexpected 'Yes I suppose so but I don't know why she puts it it on Facebook especially when she put most of that back on the following week'. Now I am in no way happy this lady gained her lost weight again as it is negative for both her physical and mental health. I understand why she did not post this update the following week but I wonder what if she had done. What response would she have got? Is she even aware of how her weight loss status made me and possibly others feel? Of course not, in the same way that we were unaware she had gained the weight again.
There is always more behind the status, the photos and the selfies, I wont even start on the photo filters and angles that can make someone look totally different but I will say my daughter didn't recognise anyone in a group of four girls on a night out when shown a picture by me and my husband despite the centre girl being my niece, her own cousin who had been to our house that very week and to me that says a great deal!
So should we be more honest online, show people both the ups and downs of our lives, if you wish to then yes go for it but if that isn't for you maybe we shouldn't share the positive even slightly over exaggerated or distorted stories or photos of our daily lives either. Are these 'friends' really friends if we cannot share both sides of our lives with them? Why are we trying to impress them with our successes? Why do we need these 'friends' to comment on how great we look, how fab our new sofa is when we could just be happy with ourselves and focus on how we feel about ourselves and our possessions?
Now I've done the smug statuses and I have felt the negative thoughts of reading others so I stopped it for myself and others. With mental health problems becoming more common is there something that can be done to improve this by how we approach social media? I don't know but I know that I for sure feel better avoiding it!
Just think about it next time you post or read a post online!
******************************************************************************* Do not panic our girls are not missing out on home education events and groups due to me leaving Facebook. We set up a profile just to access these groups to ensure they do not miss out! They now have a more happier mother to take them to the fantastic groups and events made available to them thanks to social media - it isn't all bad I remind
myself!
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