Thank you all the way!

I read something the other day which went something like change your sorry's for thank you's. For example instead of running up and saying 'Sorry I am late' you arrive and say 'Thank you for waiting for me'. Such a simple change of mindset brings more gratitude into your life right? More gratitude and less guilt. This is something I am going to really work on! 

Let children cry!

'Don't cry, you're a big boy you're OK'
'Don't be silly there is no need to cry'
'Stop crying!'
'If you want to cry I'll give you something to cry about!'
'Come on, stop crying and come look at this'
'We can't do (activity) until you stop crying'
'Everyone doesn't want to hear all this crying'

How many times are children told not to cry, that it is silly, that how they are feeling isn't worth the expression of tears, that people don't want to hear their tears because it is annoying or loud, that them crying is an inconvenience to those around them so they need to be quiet?

Fast forward ten years or so and we have teenagers. How many times do you hear parents say, 'They won't talk to me', 'God knows whats going on in their head', 'She is so grumpy some days but just won't tell me why', 'If he doesn't tell me whats going on how am I ever going to be able to help?'

Would you tell anyone how you felt if when you were upset previously you'd been told it was silly, inconvenient and unnecessary?

Now forward another ten years and we have adults, struggling to express themselves, struggling with anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions, struggling with low self worth and self medicating to try and cope with the emotions they feel they cannot express.

Now what if when a child cried they were offered physical comfort, listened to effectively and fully, given time to express their upset, guided through recovering from their upset effectively and if suitable how to avoid it in the future. 

What if the adults around them treated the cause for their upset as seriously as they do their own. It isn't just a pony toy to them it is so much more than that, yes it is upsetting to them that their apple fell on the floor or the cafe didn't have their favourite smoothie available today. These are big, important things and they should be treated this way.

Imagine how different a child treated in this way will feel about talking to their parents as a teenager regarding their personal challenges or upsets. When they are treated with the same love and respect during their teenage years, imagine how they comfortable they will be discussing emotions and challenges as an adult. Discussing emotions and challenges openly has a positive effect on our mental and physical health as adults. Isn't this what we want for our children?

It is time to start thinking seriously about how we speak to our children, their future health is at stake.

Supermarket off load

'You have one with short and one with long' said the women behind me in the supermarket queue with a surprised tone whilst pointing over my shoulder to my two daughters in front. Our eldest with a pixie style cut and our youngest with hair way past her waist. Now this was the first verbal communication she made to me, a total stranger I had only first seen less than a minute before when we smiled at one another as I moved myself forward to give her more space to unpack her trolley onto the conveyor belt. Now I would describe my initial reaction as shocked, totally baffled actually, it took a moment for me to breathe and think on the spot of quite how to react to her words which I took to be rude and random. So I said the first thought in my mind in a baffled tone which I tried to keep hidden but my surprised face must have said it all, 'Because they are different kids', her response was a confused face and a rather highly spoken 'Oh are they different even being sisters?', a simple smile and a yes was all I could manage and thankfully it was my turn to be served. Conversation over!

Now I have a sister and we are very different people because we are individuals no matter if we share a mother or not! When I had a second daughter in no way did I think she would be just like her sister, not as a baby, toddler, child, teen or adult because they are two individual people! 

Our girls choose their own hair cuts, it is their hair not mine so it is their choice. Now our eldest cannot manage long hair, she tried it, tried the bob because the length annoyed her then one day when our hairdresser came around said she wanted to cut it short. It got cut short in a style her and the hairdresser found online together. Our youngest wants to be Rapunzel, she has additional needs meaning the sound of scissors causes her upset so she said she would just have hair like Rapunzel then she wouldn't have to cut it. Both of them figured out a way to have their hair which would safe them distress, one avoiding knots and the other scissor noise and they are both happy with the results. 

My children will not be forced to have their hair any other way than how they want it, it is their body and their choice and they know that! 

Would that women have pointed out me and my sister's hair in a queue together in front of my mother? Or can we make individual choices now because we are 31 and 46? 

As the girls are children did she think I would have had their hair cut the same in a style so they looked even more similar?

I honestly do not know, I am still baffled by the comment and her shock at being told they were different children. She clearly saw nothing rude about her words but after the shock that was all I could see from her remark. Now maybe I am overreacting but how do people feel such comments are OK to just blurt out to strangers? The more sarcastic side of me would have gone 'Oh yea thanks for pointing that out' but we all know that is not productive despite being tempting. 

   

Everyone Loved an Underdog

I love a good Ted Talk and this one although done a year or so ago has only just come into my life. I love the topic, I love how he gets his points across and most of all I think this is a topic which isn't spoken about although many of us know it to be true so why not use it to our advantage? 

So please take a moment to check out Everyone Loves an Underdog