Let children cry!

'Don't cry, you're a big boy you're OK'
'Don't be silly there is no need to cry'
'Stop crying!'
'If you want to cry I'll give you something to cry about!'
'Come on, stop crying and come look at this'
'We can't do (activity) until you stop crying'
'Everyone doesn't want to hear all this crying'

How many times are children told not to cry, that it is silly, that how they are feeling isn't worth the expression of tears, that people don't want to hear their tears because it is annoying or loud, that them crying is an inconvenience to those around them so they need to be quiet?

Fast forward ten years or so and we have teenagers. How many times do you hear parents say, 'They won't talk to me', 'God knows whats going on in their head', 'She is so grumpy some days but just won't tell me why', 'If he doesn't tell me whats going on how am I ever going to be able to help?'

Would you tell anyone how you felt if when you were upset previously you'd been told it was silly, inconvenient and unnecessary?

Now forward another ten years and we have adults, struggling to express themselves, struggling with anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions, struggling with low self worth and self medicating to try and cope with the emotions they feel they cannot express.

Now what if when a child cried they were offered physical comfort, listened to effectively and fully, given time to express their upset, guided through recovering from their upset effectively and if suitable how to avoid it in the future. 

What if the adults around them treated the cause for their upset as seriously as they do their own. It isn't just a pony toy to them it is so much more than that, yes it is upsetting to them that their apple fell on the floor or the cafe didn't have their favourite smoothie available today. These are big, important things and they should be treated this way.

Imagine how different a child treated in this way will feel about talking to their parents as a teenager regarding their personal challenges or upsets. When they are treated with the same love and respect during their teenage years, imagine how they comfortable they will be discussing emotions and challenges as an adult. Discussing emotions and challenges openly has a positive effect on our mental and physical health as adults. Isn't this what we want for our children?

It is time to start thinking seriously about how we speak to our children, their future health is at stake.