Back to the simple things

I have written since August 2018 yet not posted any pieces online since then and I am not 100% sure why. Maybe life took over, maybe guilt of doing something for myself took over, maybe I was not ready to share quite yet - honestly it is likely a mixture of them all. You don't need anyone to tell you the last 12 months has changed our lives forever and as I write this during our third national lockdown I feel unsure of how things will move forward. All I can do is focus on myself and what I can do personally to be kind, grow, heal, support others and ensure a positive wellbeing.

Mental and physical health for many has declined during this time, adults and children alike. Loneliness, fear, depression and anger have sadly become 'normal' daily emotions for so many. Weight gain, stiffening joints, fatigue and worsening of previous health conditions are placing our bodies under strain. Services are struggling to help those who do seek help and sadly we know not everyone does or can meaning more are struggling in silence. We are all at risk of these challenges, no matter our age, gender, bank balance or health history and these things there is no vaccination for! They will not just vanish when restrictions are lifted. Giving our loved ones a hug when we can (no matter how wonderful it feels) will not be a magic wand, remove the memories or ease the pain completely. Nothing can reverse the damage done and sadly for some it is too late all together. 

Right now there are difficult times happening all around and maybe even more ahead for some, all we can do is look in the mirror and be honest with ourselves, be gentle with ourselves, ask for help when we need it and check in with those we love and care for. Talk to yourself the same way you would talk to a friend! Lets fill our days with music, positive stories and reminders of simple everyday joys (first cuppa in the morning, a daffodil opening, having a walk and not getting wet!!). 

Right now, lets focus on the simple things!   

Let the children lead the way! - Updated

Updated post - Originally posted August 2018

Last week I viewed a video about palm oil, as I was watching it our seven year old entered the room asking what it was I was watching, her younger sister was soon up from her Lego also asking what it was. Now the farming and use of palm oil is a big topic which like all big topics carries massive debates both for and against. So how do I explain this to two young children, easy I restart the video and show it to them. Let them hear the information, let them soak in the images and words and ask them at the end what they thought? Plain and simple, both state it is unfair, question what we eat with palm oil in and that we cannot buy anything with it in anymore!

Our eldest has been a vegan for about a year and a half now and is very strict when it comes to ensuring she is not consuming animal products and even checks hand washes when we are out so she can avoid any animal products. I admire her passion, she wants to change the world and I am with her all the way! Now both girls love Linda McCartney sausages for Saturday breakfast and our eldest recently began having the country pies as her Friday night chip treat tea. This week whilst shopping we sadly discovered both contain palm oil in, now  many would say it is hard to avoid it all the time and pop them into the basket because after all they are your favourite right? That doesn't happen in our house, our eldest said 'Well we wont have those anymore' plain and simple no complaints we just sourced a different treat tea and who needs sausages for weekend breakfast, waffles and beans are plenty. Our youngest said well done to her sister and that she was glad we weren't having them if they have that stuff in and they took off down the freezer isle with their heads held high!

Now what if more families, individuals of all ages were taught about what was in their food? Would the consumer demand dramatically change? Well I do believe so! As a vegan adult I hear all the time how nice the taste of meat is, how it is easier and quicker when out and how it is what we've done for years because it seems the taste, convenience and culture are clearly worth more than other animals lives to so many. Now this can change because I also hear as a parent how many children aren't keen when they discover what meat actually is. We have friends who call chickens hens if they see them out else their son will not eat his roast chicken! Come on guys, listen to the children they can see we are being unfair whether directly by eating the animal or my destroying the homes of beautiful animals leaving them to slowly die.

Education is the key to this, I was discussing dairy with my step father the other month who asked why vegans do not eat dairy products, when I explained the cruelty in separating a calf from its mother to have the milk intended for the calf and not us he told me that doesn't happen, humans only have the excess! This man is in his 60's and has no idea how the milk in his fridge has got there. This has to change! Lets educate ourselves, no matter our age. The children really are our future - it is time we listen and follow in their footsteps.

Now if after watching the video you feel inspired to help stop this awful industry please scroll down the page and under the video you will be able to sign the petition, spread the word!

Updated 2020 - As a family we were delighted to see our favourites now labelled as 'New Palm Oil Free recipe.' Fantastic to see more companies heading either palm oil free or using only sustainable palm oil!  

Human Rights Activist Disrupts Vegan Event - Earthling Ed

This video says so much and I believe it needs to be shared and viewed by as many people as possible. I love that Earthling Ed stays calm and that what begins as a very aggressive interaction becomes a beautiful, educating discussion for both men involved.

Birthday Time

So this weekend has been my birthday and you'll be happy to know I am still not bothered by my age and feel even more inspired to grow and develop as a person, experiencing all I can from this beautiful world.

I still do not understand the saying that school days are the best of your life because, well for me they most definitely not, plain and simple. My life has got better and better since my mid twenties and a great deal of that has been down to self acceptance and being true to myself. Exploring what interests me, living the life in which I want to lead. Yes not everyone agrees but you know they've come to terms pretty quickly and I've even been told over the last two years by family members that they don't 'get it', they couldn't do it but that it obviously works for me! I think you need to hit the year mark for many to see it isn't a fad, it is really you!

So birthday weekend has been spent eating lots of vegan yummy food, watching films with my beautiful family and well eating more yummy vegan food of course. What else are birthdays for! The best gifts in the world bless my life every day and I need nothing more! 

Oh and our yummy vegan lunch was from Samphire Brasserie, well worth the drive for meatball burger and hazelnut and chocolate tart with ice cream - tough life being a vegan right?

Thank you all the way!

I read something the other day which went something like change your sorry's for thank you's. For example instead of running up and saying 'Sorry I am late' you arrive and say 'Thank you for waiting for me'. Such a simple change of mindset brings more gratitude into your life right? More gratitude and less guilt. This is something I am going to really work on! 

Let children cry!

'Don't cry, you're a big boy you're OK'
'Don't be silly there is no need to cry'
'Stop crying!'
'If you want to cry I'll give you something to cry about!'
'Come on, stop crying and come look at this'
'We can't do (activity) until you stop crying'
'Everyone doesn't want to hear all this crying'

How many times are children told not to cry, that it is silly, that how they are feeling isn't worth the expression of tears, that people don't want to hear their tears because it is annoying or loud, that them crying is an inconvenience to those around them so they need to be quiet?

Fast forward ten years or so and we have teenagers. How many times do you hear parents say, 'They won't talk to me', 'God knows whats going on in their head', 'She is so grumpy some days but just won't tell me why', 'If he doesn't tell me whats going on how am I ever going to be able to help?'

Would you tell anyone how you felt if when you were upset previously you'd been told it was silly, inconvenient and unnecessary?

Now forward another ten years and we have adults, struggling to express themselves, struggling with anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions, struggling with low self worth and self medicating to try and cope with the emotions they feel they cannot express.

Now what if when a child cried they were offered physical comfort, listened to effectively and fully, given time to express their upset, guided through recovering from their upset effectively and if suitable how to avoid it in the future. 

What if the adults around them treated the cause for their upset as seriously as they do their own. It isn't just a pony toy to them it is so much more than that, yes it is upsetting to them that their apple fell on the floor or the cafe didn't have their favourite smoothie available today. These are big, important things and they should be treated this way.

Imagine how different a child treated in this way will feel about talking to their parents as a teenager regarding their personal challenges or upsets. When they are treated with the same love and respect during their teenage years, imagine how they comfortable they will be discussing emotions and challenges as an adult. Discussing emotions and challenges openly has a positive effect on our mental and physical health as adults. Isn't this what we want for our children?

It is time to start thinking seriously about how we speak to our children, their future health is at stake.

Supermarket off load

'You have one with short and one with long' said the women behind me in the supermarket queue with a surprised tone whilst pointing over my shoulder to my two daughters in front. Our eldest with a pixie style cut and our youngest with hair way past her waist. Now this was the first verbal communication she made to me, a total stranger I had only first seen less than a minute before when we smiled at one another as I moved myself forward to give her more space to unpack her trolley onto the conveyor belt. Now I would describe my initial reaction as shocked, totally baffled actually, it took a moment for me to breathe and think on the spot of quite how to react to her words which I took to be rude and random. So I said the first thought in my mind in a baffled tone which I tried to keep hidden but my surprised face must have said it all, 'Because they are different kids', her response was a confused face and a rather highly spoken 'Oh are they different even being sisters?', a simple smile and a yes was all I could manage and thankfully it was my turn to be served. Conversation over!

Now I have a sister and we are very different people because we are individuals no matter if we share a mother or not! When I had a second daughter in no way did I think she would be just like her sister, not as a baby, toddler, child, teen or adult because they are two individual people! 

Our girls choose their own hair cuts, it is their hair not mine so it is their choice. Now our eldest cannot manage long hair, she tried it, tried the bob because the length annoyed her then one day when our hairdresser came around said she wanted to cut it short. It got cut short in a style her and the hairdresser found online together. Our youngest wants to be Rapunzel, she has additional needs meaning the sound of scissors causes her upset so she said she would just have hair like Rapunzel then she wouldn't have to cut it. Both of them figured out a way to have their hair which would safe them distress, one avoiding knots and the other scissor noise and they are both happy with the results. 

My children will not be forced to have their hair any other way than how they want it, it is their body and their choice and they know that! 

Would that women have pointed out me and my sister's hair in a queue together in front of my mother? Or can we make individual choices now because we are 31 and 46? 

As the girls are children did she think I would have had their hair cut the same in a style so they looked even more similar?

I honestly do not know, I am still baffled by the comment and her shock at being told they were different children. She clearly saw nothing rude about her words but after the shock that was all I could see from her remark. Now maybe I am overreacting but how do people feel such comments are OK to just blurt out to strangers? The more sarcastic side of me would have gone 'Oh yea thanks for pointing that out' but we all know that is not productive despite being tempting.