Motherhood and Personal Identity

Becoming a mother showed me a part of me I never knew existed, as like all new parents when I delivered our eldest a new me was also born - a strength I never thought I had, emotions I had never experienced and a love which words cannot describe.

How do you keep you keep your identity when parenthood fills your brain? In those early days there is nothing else on your mind except the small human being you have been blessed with and rightly so. How do you keep your personal identity? Your other relationships healthy and balanced?

These are big questions to me and something I see some people manage more so than others. What is their secret? The biggest problem with me was my personal identity changed dramatically not because I became a mother but because of my own personal head stuff and I do not miss the old me at all. Deep down though maybe this is why I struggle to keep my personal identity separate from Mummy because it all changed so much around the same time. Maybe I should make time to be me away from my children and relax? This is what I am told by friends, family and the media world so it must be what I need to do right?!

Wrong! I love being with my children all day everyday and watching them grow. One day they won't need me around so why do I want to miss it now, I cannot get this time back. I used to believe that I was struggling to keep my personal identity since becoming a mother but being a mother is part of my identity now and that is a beautiful thing. I still read books to relax, enjoy cooking and experimenting with new recipes, love being outside walking, exploring and have a rather sweet tooth - all of these were part of me before motherhood. OK I might not get as much time to do these things alone but now I do this with two beautiful souls by my side. Yes sometimes I want some peace by myself, I am human after all and I ensure when those feelings arise that I let my husband know so we can get it arranged. As our girls get older it is becoming easier though, going to bed early with a book when I need some me time is something our girls get now (the majority of the time) and it has been a perfect way to teach them about self care - an important part of our lives if we are to stay healthy and happy! 

Yes me and my husband miss our pub lunches with friends which lead into afternoons and evenings of laughter and dance, we look back at those days fondly with appreciation but times have changed for us all now and that isn't a bad thing! Maybe we can pick it up again when the children are adults and see who still has the best moves. We enjoy the moments now when we can share a tub of ice cream together when the girls are both sleeping well, they mean more now they are a rare enjoyment.

So to those parents who happily have their regular nights out and lunches with friends child free and enjoy it, keep doing it and keep enjoying it! I have no opinion on your choices I just know that isn't for me. Me and my husband are happy with film nights at home and cuddles on the sofa for our 'us' time and once maybe twice a year when we do go out child free is more than enough for now!