Someone Out There

Take a few minutes to listen to this beautiful song by Rae Morris - Someone Out There

We all need reminding of this from time to time, share this with your friends and family today!

Marriage

This year will mark the tenth year since I met my husband and nine years since we got married. Our daughters will turn eight and six this year also. Some might say we don't hang around, but we just knew from that first kiss. Almost sounds movie like I know.

Now these ten years haven't all been smooth running, there was a low time when I truly believed our marriage was over, that we had somehow failed. There have been times when we have held one another wondering how we were going to get through the challenges the universe was sending our way. Neither of us knows how we have got here through these challenges but we have and best of all we are happy!  

Going into our tenth year together has got me thinking what the next ten years will bring and excited as to where our journey is going to take us with our beautiful girls by our sides.

Two close friends of ours have got married this year and what beautiful moments their special days were. I felt a rush of excitement for them knowing they have found love, knowing they have a life full of adventure ahead of them. This got me wondering, can we ever give advice on marriage? Are there 'rules' which if you follow you'll be together for the rest of your days?

I am not sure there are - we have friends whose living set up is very different to ours but it works for them. I am aware there are people who couldn't live how we live in regards to house chore sharing, having personal space, the lack of nights out and even how we talk our stuff through but it works for us. It has taken us a while to get the balance right and as we all grow and develop we will need to change things slightly to keep us balanced.

Like everything in life I need to do what is right for me and within any relationship that is discussing everyone's needs and compromising from time to time, checking in from time to time how everyone is and if I have a concern I don't keep it in, I let them know and ask me to do the same. Now that is what works for me and my husband. Maybe that works for others too, maybe it doesn't.

The one thing all relationships need is honesty, yes sometimes it is hard to hear what the other person has to say but listen and work through it, it is worth those few uncomfortable moments for all the happy ones. Apart from that just do what works for you as a couple, that is truly unique to you because each couple is truly unique right?

Children Learn What the Live

I have always loved this, to me it is so full of truth and brings us back to the basics of parenting and being involved in any child's life whether as friend or family. 

Remember the basics as that is where the building blocks of a person truly begin and they last with us a lifetime!

Fix Yourself

I do not believe anyone goes through life without needing some personal time, time to work on themselves and space to stop and listen to where they need to be heading. Some people might need more time to fix themselves than others but we all need fixing from time to time and that is healthy. 

Many people (including my past self) look for fixing through relationships either family, friend or romantic, career status, alcohol, food, medication, drugs and even environmental changes e.g moving house. The truth is though is that no one or nothing can fix you, only you can. This might not always be easy, actually most of the time it isn't easy but working through the discomfort brings nothing but benefits. Not working through discomfort only brings more discomfort. 

Now if we don't check in on ourselves to see if we need fixing (maybe think of it more as maintenance) we break, just as a car will break down without services and general good care. It can take a few months or even years for some but the time will come to everyone. Signs of this include depression, anxiety and physical illness. This is not a sign of weakness, it is a chance to show your inner strength. To grow as a person mentally, even spirituality. Our body and mind will let us know if it is unhappy all we have to do is listen. 

Listening is easier said than done in a busy world of noise though - social noise, environmental noise and mental noise all drown out the signs our body gives us. So how can we hear our body over all that daily noise?

How about we all try something? Every day check in once, just for a few minutes, stop and check in. Ask yourself how you feel, scan your body for any aches or pains, check in on your energy levels and if they are OK for the time of day and most importantly stop and breathe deeply. This will only take a few minutes, it can be done anywhere - in the shower, first thing upon waking or last thing at night in bed, on the train to work even sat on the toilet. Find a time to suit you and do it. 

Listen and if something needs fixing then fix it, whether some early nights are needed,basic back stretches or a chat with your boss about work related stresses your body will let you know exactly what it is you are needing at that moment to stay healthy.  

  

Just try a few minutes for a week, then a fortnight, then a month and then check in again as to how your are feeling and the connection between your mind and body. You might you start doing it more than once a day, maybe first thing in the morning and again last thing at night or that you take longer to check in but finish feeling more relaxed and focused, just see how you go. There is no right and wrong, just listen.  

Living with Bipolar - Self Care

I can't change the fact I have Bipolar, I have accepted that this is with me for life. At some point in the future it will challenge me again and each time it does I pray I have the strength to come through the challenge. There is something I can change though and that it my attitude towards my condition and how I manage self care.

Self care is important for each and everyone of us. I feel as someone living with Bipolar that I am more aware when I haven't practised my self care effectively and have little room for slacking. My body and mind are quick enough to let me know if I have been slacking, I am gradually getting better at listening. So where do I start with self care;

Diet

Caffeine, sugar and alcohol all affect our energy levels and mood. It doesn't take much thinking to see how this can be negative for someone with Bipolar. Small amounts of sugar and alcohol work fine for me (when I am well) but caffeine is most definitely not my friend. This is personal for each of us, just listen to your body. Now my diet has changed slowly over time. I first became vegetarian at 13 years.
I researched diet a lot when I was first diagnosed and came across evidence of diary affecting moods in women due to its hormone content. I thought it was worth a shot and removed dairy from my diet to see if my moods would be affected (I was willing to try anything) and noticed a real positive difference.
I went to a documentary evening with my father a couple years ago regarding the affects of wheat, more so for my father as he was expressing concern about wheat in his diet but I left committed to ensuring the majority of wheat in my diet was removed and my energy levels increased!

Personally I find a vegan diet with little/no refined sugars and little wheat (our local town has an amazing sourdough bakery it is just too tempting) does the best for me. We cook from scratch with very little processed foods and it feels just right for me. As I've already said self care is very much a personal thing, however you reach it a balanced, nutritious diet is a must!

Exercise

A basic online search of exercise and mental health will bring up all the evidence gathered (there is quite a bit by the way) regarding the positive effect exercise has on our moods and well being. We don't have to run miles daily (thankfully) to feel the benefits. A walk around the block or basic yoga routine are great places to start and really make a difference.

Essential Oils

Essentials oils are used daily in our home, I might not work as a Complementary Therapist anymore but it is very much a lifestyle for me. Now care must be taken when using essential oils especially if pregnant, breastfeeding or on medication. Visiting an Aromatherapist for a massage can be a relaxing and enlightening experience but understandably isn't for everyone. Oils can be used at home in baths, oil burners even on jewellery but ensure you buy high quality oils and gain advice from a qualified practitioner. My personal favourites regarding my mood are Rosemary, Basil and Frankincense. Oils are very personal though so this is most definitely not set in stone for everyone experiencing Bipolar Disorder. Oils can be used for colds, headaches, gaining focus, sleep and even cleaning your home so maybe now is the time to bring some natural oils into your home and bathe in their benefits. 

There are some good books available on Aromatherapy, the link is to a rather good one - take a look!

Always buy high quality, organic essential oils.

Sleep

Late nights happen, broken sleep with two young children happen, not every night can be a blissful 8 hours of deep beautiful sleep but oh my imagine if it was......anyhow getting tired is not good for mental health. I can handle a late night but more than two in a row I can feel it. More than three or four and I am clearly slipping for all to see. Now everyone needs sleep this is no different because I have Bipolar I just feel more aware and sensitive. The majority of people will feel grumpy if they do not sleep, find themselves reaching for the sugar snacks or caffeine to keep going and that's understandable. Unlike the majority of people tiredness for me dramatically increases the risk of me falling into a deep depression. Ensure you rest when you can, there is no shame in going to bed at 7pm if you're tired, say no to that evening out with friends and put yourself first, grab a nap if you get a chance anything to ensure you are getting enough sleep.

If you do have trouble sleeping an essential oil blend in a warm bath or diffuser, Chamomile or Valerian tea, meditation, avoiding screen time for an hour before bed as well as sugar and caffeine can all be of help.

Company 

Negative people spread negativity so surround yourself with positive people. Active, self motivated people are much more beneficial as friends than those always seeking drama and looking for something to moan about. This goes for family too, you do not have to spend time with negative people just because they are family. You might find when you are feeling good you can brush off their negative vibes but if you are tired or feeling low you can absorb them all so easily and become dragged down by it all. Say no to seeing these people (if they must be in your life) or limit contact when you are struggling. Even better remove them from your life if you wish, just work on surrounding yourself with positive people  everyday!

Social Media/News

I have written previously about social media and the negative effects I have found it has on my mood and the news is exactly the same. As with other things the effects are increased if I am tired or low but even on my best days social media and the news seem to just bring an unsettled, doubtful feelings to mind. These can be avoided dramatically if you choose to do so, many of the checking social media and news sites can be a habit, like all bad habits they can be difficult to break. Tell someone of your plans, delete social media accounts, unsubscribe to news channels and listen to music through the many methods other than through radio stations with regular news updates and you will be well on the way to breaking the habit. If you slip that is OK just hop back on and try again, no need to beat yourself or feel guilty, habits are hard to break but once you have you will feel even stronger.

Acceptance and Trust

Whatever your belief system might be having trust that you will be OK can totally change your approach to Bipolar and I personally found removed a large amount of the fear associated with becoming unwell. Acceptance was a big thing for me in the beginning and occasionally it can rise again but I feel this is perfectly understandable when you have a lifelong condition whatever it may be.

This is a very personal topic which is unique to each and everyone of us whether diagnosed with a life long condition or not so I will leave it to your own reading and journey to see how this works for you. As acceptance and trust helped me so much I felt it should be mentioned, even if just to stir some thoughts around the subject.

Gratitude

Gratitude when in the depth of a depression can be tough. In my lowest moments I have become overwhelmed with guilt for all that I have, to me I don't deserve it and I am wasting it. Acceptance and trust eased a large amount of the intense guilt for me. Each and every day I list things I am grateful for and on tough days they are as basic as I can breath, I have a warm home and I had clean water to drink today but I am thankful for those days as they keep me grounded, after all it is those basics which allow me to have enjoyable days. Thankfully I have many more good days than bad but how many people forget the basics - forget how blessed we are to have clean drinking water straight to our homes! Gratitude is something I work hard to teach our children, to me more people need to remember what they have, I feel society is great at forgetting what we have and focusing on what we haven't. Take a moment to read this short post linked to this subject.

No!!

No can be a hard word to say but it is OK to say it, the more you do the easier it becomes. Do not push yourself to do things because you 'should'. If you are tired and want a night in then say no when your work friend invites you out for a film, it is not rude it is self care. Arrange to do it another night and you'll both enjoy it much more as you'll both have the energy to do so.

Listen to your body, it knows what it needs if you just tune into its signs. Your body gives these signs as it has your health as top priority, sadly the 'should' voice in your head does not!

Talk

When times are tough talk! I know I personally do not want to talk when I am in the depths but having someone in my house keeps me safe, even if at the time I am annoyed they are there it makes sense once the fog clears. Remember it always clears. I have a tattoo on my collar bone to ensure I never forget - this too shall pass!

Just saying I don't feel well/safe/right is enough!

Bipolar UK have an online community if you would like to speak to others in similar situations. Personally I have felt frustrated by others without Bipolar trying to 'get it' as I am not sure you ever can get a condition without experiencing it. When I was first diagnosed the online community helped me greatly to not feel alone.

The Samaritans are available all day every day if you need someone to talk to.

Talk. Stay Safe!

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Life is a personal journey, whether a life with Bipolar or a life without. This is my approach to self care which as I grow will undoubtedly change and adapt but right now this works for me and some of it may work for others also so please do share and if you wish share some of your self care advice with me.

Couldn't have worded it better!

No shoes for me please

Three years ago I brought my first pair of barefoot shoes after much research and shopping around. I've never been keen on shoes, always happy to have them off and feel the ground on my feet. Even before I learnt about spiritual connection and grounding with the earth I just knew it fel nicer to be barefoot!

I now wear nothing else if I do have shoes on they are barefoot shoes and the same for our children who love them. Our youngest was always taking her shoes off at any opportunity now if we are out all day her shoes actually stay on!

Now the science behind this is rapidly growing and more and more people are making the shift to barefoot footwear. Whether running, working in the office or socialising with friends there is a style to fit. We only buy from the vegan range but there are plenty of other options available to suit all lifestyles.

So get researching, fill your mind with barefoot knowledge and see what the fuss is all about, I promise you it is well worth it.