Back to the simple things

I have written since August 2018 yet not posted any pieces online since then and I am not 100% sure why. Maybe life took over, maybe guilt of doing something for myself took over, maybe I was not ready to share quite yet - honestly it is likely a mixture of them all. You don't need anyone to tell you the last 12 months has changed our lives forever and as I write this during our third national lockdown I feel unsure of how things will move forward. All I can do is focus on myself and what I can do personally to be kind, grow, heal, support others and ensure a positive wellbeing.

Mental and physical health for many has declined during this time, adults and children alike. Loneliness, fear, depression and anger have sadly become 'normal' daily emotions for so many. Weight gain, stiffening joints, fatigue and worsening of previous health conditions are placing our bodies under strain. Services are struggling to help those who do seek help and sadly we know not everyone does or can meaning more are struggling in silence. We are all at risk of these challenges, no matter our age, gender, bank balance or health history and these things there is no vaccination for! They will not just vanish when restrictions are lifted. Giving our loved ones a hug when we can (no matter how wonderful it feels) will not be a magic wand, remove the memories or ease the pain completely. Nothing can reverse the damage done and sadly for some it is too late all together. 

Right now there are difficult times happening all around and maybe even more ahead for some, all we can do is look in the mirror and be honest with ourselves, be gentle with ourselves, ask for help when we need it and check in with those we love and care for. Talk to yourself the same way you would talk to a friend! Lets fill our days with music, positive stories and reminders of simple everyday joys (first cuppa in the morning, a daffodil opening, having a walk and not getting wet!!). 

Right now, lets focus on the simple things!   

Let the children lead the way! - Updated

Updated post - Originally posted August 2018

Last week I viewed a video about palm oil, as I was watching it our seven year old entered the room asking what it was I was watching, her younger sister was soon up from her Lego also asking what it was. Now the farming and use of palm oil is a big topic which like all big topics carries massive debates both for and against. So how do I explain this to two young children, easy I restart the video and show it to them. Let them hear the information, let them soak in the images and words and ask them at the end what they thought? Plain and simple, both state it is unfair, question what we eat with palm oil in and that we cannot buy anything with it in anymore!

Our eldest has been a vegan for about a year and a half now and is very strict when it comes to ensuring she is not consuming animal products and even checks hand washes when we are out so she can avoid any animal products. I admire her passion, she wants to change the world and I am with her all the way! Now both girls love Linda McCartney sausages for Saturday breakfast and our eldest recently began having the country pies as her Friday night chip treat tea. This week whilst shopping we sadly discovered both contain palm oil in, now  many would say it is hard to avoid it all the time and pop them into the basket because after all they are your favourite right? That doesn't happen in our house, our eldest said 'Well we wont have those anymore' plain and simple no complaints we just sourced a different treat tea and who needs sausages for weekend breakfast, waffles and beans are plenty. Our youngest said well done to her sister and that she was glad we weren't having them if they have that stuff in and they took off down the freezer isle with their heads held high!

Now what if more families, individuals of all ages were taught about what was in their food? Would the consumer demand dramatically change? Well I do believe so! As a vegan adult I hear all the time how nice the taste of meat is, how it is easier and quicker when out and how it is what we've done for years because it seems the taste, convenience and culture are clearly worth more than other animals lives to so many. Now this can change because I also hear as a parent how many children aren't keen when they discover what meat actually is. We have friends who call chickens hens if they see them out else their son will not eat his roast chicken! Come on guys, listen to the children they can see we are being unfair whether directly by eating the animal or my destroying the homes of beautiful animals leaving them to slowly die.

Education is the key to this, I was discussing dairy with my step father the other month who asked why vegans do not eat dairy products, when I explained the cruelty in separating a calf from its mother to have the milk intended for the calf and not us he told me that doesn't happen, humans only have the excess! This man is in his 60's and has no idea how the milk in his fridge has got there. This has to change! Lets educate ourselves, no matter our age. The children really are our future - it is time we listen and follow in their footsteps.

Now if after watching the video you feel inspired to help stop this awful industry please scroll down the page and under the video you will be able to sign the petition, spread the word!

Updated 2020 - As a family we were delighted to see our favourites now labelled as 'New Palm Oil Free recipe.' Fantastic to see more companies heading either palm oil free or using only sustainable palm oil!  

Human Rights Activist Disrupts Vegan Event - Earthling Ed

This video says so much and I believe it needs to be shared and viewed by as many people as possible. I love that Earthling Ed stays calm and that what begins as a very aggressive interaction becomes a beautiful, educating discussion for both men involved.

Birthday Time

So this weekend has been my birthday and you'll be happy to know I am still not bothered by my age and feel even more inspired to grow and develop as a person, experiencing all I can from this beautiful world.

I still do not understand the saying that school days are the best of your life because, well for me they most definitely not, plain and simple. My life has got better and better since my mid twenties and a great deal of that has been down to self acceptance and being true to myself. Exploring what interests me, living the life in which I want to lead. Yes not everyone agrees but you know they've come to terms pretty quickly and I've even been told over the last two years by family members that they don't 'get it', they couldn't do it but that it obviously works for me! I think you need to hit the year mark for many to see it isn't a fad, it is really you!

So birthday weekend has been spent eating lots of vegan yummy food, watching films with my beautiful family and well eating more yummy vegan food of course. What else are birthdays for! The best gifts in the world bless my life every day and I need nothing more! 

Oh and our yummy vegan lunch was from Samphire Brasserie, well worth the drive for meatball burger and hazelnut and chocolate tart with ice cream - tough life being a vegan right?

Thank you all the way!

I read something the other day which went something like change your sorry's for thank you's. For example instead of running up and saying 'Sorry I am late' you arrive and say 'Thank you for waiting for me'. Such a simple change of mindset brings more gratitude into your life right? More gratitude and less guilt. This is something I am going to really work on! 

Supermarket off load

'You have one with short and one with long' said the women behind me in the supermarket queue with a surprised tone whilst pointing over my shoulder to my two daughters in front. Our eldest with a pixie style cut and our youngest with hair way past her waist. Now this was the first verbal communication she made to me, a total stranger I had only first seen less than a minute before when we smiled at one another as I moved myself forward to give her more space to unpack her trolley onto the conveyor belt. Now I would describe my initial reaction as shocked, totally baffled actually, it took a moment for me to breathe and think on the spot of quite how to react to her words which I took to be rude and random. So I said the first thought in my mind in a baffled tone which I tried to keep hidden but my surprised face must have said it all, 'Because they are different kids', her response was a confused face and a rather highly spoken 'Oh are they different even being sisters?', a simple smile and a yes was all I could manage and thankfully it was my turn to be served. Conversation over!

Now I have a sister and we are very different people because we are individuals no matter if we share a mother or not! When I had a second daughter in no way did I think she would be just like her sister, not as a baby, toddler, child, teen or adult because they are two individual people! 

Our girls choose their own hair cuts, it is their hair not mine so it is their choice. Now our eldest cannot manage long hair, she tried it, tried the bob because the length annoyed her then one day when our hairdresser came around said she wanted to cut it short. It got cut short in a style her and the hairdresser found online together. Our youngest wants to be Rapunzel, she has additional needs meaning the sound of scissors causes her upset so she said she would just have hair like Rapunzel then she wouldn't have to cut it. Both of them figured out a way to have their hair which would safe them distress, one avoiding knots and the other scissor noise and they are both happy with the results. 

My children will not be forced to have their hair any other way than how they want it, it is their body and their choice and they know that! 

Would that women have pointed out me and my sister's hair in a queue together in front of my mother? Or can we make individual choices now because we are 31 and 46? 

As the girls are children did she think I would have had their hair cut the same in a style so they looked even more similar?

I honestly do not know, I am still baffled by the comment and her shock at being told they were different children. She clearly saw nothing rude about her words but after the shock that was all I could see from her remark. Now maybe I am overreacting but how do people feel such comments are OK to just blurt out to strangers? The more sarcastic side of me would have gone 'Oh yea thanks for pointing that out' but we all know that is not productive despite being tempting. 

   

Why are you vegan?

A massive topic, I feel very passionate about and I get asked it quite often. When new people come into my life soon enough food is either offered or I get asked if I have tried the new restaurant or food product promoted. It is just as common as being asked if you saw the programme on television last night which naturally leads to people asking why we don't have a television!

My reason for being a vegan is simple, I love animals. I admit that I truly struggle to understand how anyone can eat the dead body of another being. There you go plain and simple nothing fancy about it, if the meal offered has ever had a beating heart I cannot bring myself to eat it. I do not see a lovely steak with buttery mushrooms I see a part of a dead body on a plate which I do not want to eat.

I cannot understand how people can cuddle up to their cats of an evening on the sofa showing love and affection whilst they have had chicken casserole for tea. I see no difference between the life of a cat and the life of a chicken.

When social media goes mad as a zoo or hunter has killed a gorilla, lion or zebra for example I get annoyed knowing three quarters of my friends who are out raged by this one death eat the flesh of hundreds of animals each and every year without any thought of the animals right to life. I cannot see the sense in this and oh my the people who call themselves 'animals lovers' well how can this be?

Now the next part always goes along the lines of, 'Well an animal isn't killed for milk?', no there isn't flesh of an animal in milk and milk products but lets put it this way - How would people react if I bottled my breast milk and fed it to my dog? If I kept having babies but instead of feeding my babies fed my dog? Would that be seen as 'normal' because like it or not that is what we are doing, drinking another animals breast milk. That's without looking into the fact calves are taken from their mothers for us to have that milk, that the cows are impregnated over and over again each time after the physical stress they then grieve for their child taken from them on a constant loop until it is seen they are too old to produce so they are killed for their flesh. All so we can have some milk, cream and cheese when there are plenty of other ways of making such products.

Just think about that for a moment. Truly see what is on your plate, is taste worth more than a life?

Just Live!

A lady I had never met before came to our circle group this week and said something that really struck with me.
'Someone once said to me don't be a human bring, be a human doing.'
This someone in my mind is a genius so lets all go and be a human doing! Enjoy!

Guided Meditations

I haven't written a great deal to publish on here this month but I have been writing a great deal which I am sure will be published soon. Something I wanted to share though is a fantastic guy I discovered on YouTube called Jason Stephenson who does the best guided meditations, they help me sleep, relax me, encourage me, enable me to work through blocked energies and he is just the best!

Before finding him I was unable to relax to a males voice, it is something I have always struggled with since becoming so unwell years ago and struggled to find a relaxing female voice who I could work with until a few months ago when Jason Stephenson popped up on one of my many meditation searched on YouTube. Usually I wouldn't click due to him obviously being male but I was drawn in, my mind said to click and try and oh how glad I am that I did. My latest favourite is Zen Garden Talk Down, beautiful meditation as always and just so enjoyable to do.

Share the meditation love.

Nice and Simple

The Indoor Generation

'We spend 90% of our time indoors with minimal daylight and fresh air. We aren't aware of it - but research studies have proven that this can be harmful to our health and well being'
https://www.veluxusa.com/indoorgeneration

I admit I am not keen on going on when it is cold and dull, since having children it is something I have made a real effort to improve and my efforts are paying off. When it is dark, cold and wet I don't think many people fancy going outside or opening windows but after seeing this I will be making even more of an effort when the weather darkens this autumn and winter. Spring and summer months are not an issue for us we are out and about, doors open pretty much all the time like I am sure most of you are. Please watch the small video within the link, spread the word and read further if you wish.

Marriage

This year will mark the tenth year since I met my husband and nine years since we got married. Our daughters will turn eight and six this year also. Some might say we don't hang around, but we just knew from that first kiss. Almost sounds movie like I know.

Now these ten years haven't all been smooth running, there was a low time when I truly believed our marriage was over, that we had somehow failed. There have been times when we have held one another wondering how we were going to get through the challenges the universe was sending our way. Neither of us knows how we have got here through these challenges but we have and best of all we are happy!  

Going into our tenth year together has got me thinking what the next ten years will bring and excited as to where our journey is going to take us with our beautiful girls by our sides.

Two close friends of ours have got married this year and what beautiful moments their special days were. I felt a rush of excitement for them knowing they have found love, knowing they have a life full of adventure ahead of them. This got me wondering, can we ever give advice on marriage? Are there 'rules' which if you follow you'll be together for the rest of your days?

I am not sure there are - we have friends whose living set up is very different to ours but it works for them. I am aware there are people who couldn't live how we live in regards to house chore sharing, having personal space, the lack of nights out and even how we talk our stuff through but it works for us. It has taken us a while to get the balance right and as we all grow and develop we will need to change things slightly to keep us balanced.

Like everything in life I need to do what is right for me and within any relationship that is discussing everyone's needs and compromising from time to time, checking in from time to time how everyone is and if I have a concern I don't keep it in, I let them know and ask me to do the same. Now that is what works for me and my husband. Maybe that works for others too, maybe it doesn't.

The one thing all relationships need is honesty, yes sometimes it is hard to hear what the other person has to say but listen and work through it, it is worth those few uncomfortable moments for all the happy ones. Apart from that just do what works for you as a couple, that is truly unique to you because each couple is truly unique right?

Fix Yourself

I do not believe anyone goes through life without needing some personal time, time to work on themselves and space to stop and listen to where they need to be heading. Some people might need more time to fix themselves than others but we all need fixing from time to time and that is healthy. 

Many people (including my past self) look for fixing through relationships either family, friend or romantic, career status, alcohol, food, medication, drugs and even environmental changes e.g moving house. The truth is though is that no one or nothing can fix you, only you can. This might not always be easy, actually most of the time it isn't easy but working through the discomfort brings nothing but benefits. Not working through discomfort only brings more discomfort. 

Now if we don't check in on ourselves to see if we need fixing (maybe think of it more as maintenance) we break, just as a car will break down without services and general good care. It can take a few months or even years for some but the time will come to everyone. Signs of this include depression, anxiety and physical illness. This is not a sign of weakness, it is a chance to show your inner strength. To grow as a person mentally, even spirituality. Our body and mind will let us know if it is unhappy all we have to do is listen. 

Listening is easier said than done in a busy world of noise though - social noise, environmental noise and mental noise all drown out the signs our body gives us. So how can we hear our body over all that daily noise?

How about we all try something? Every day check in once, just for a few minutes, stop and check in. Ask yourself how you feel, scan your body for any aches or pains, check in on your energy levels and if they are OK for the time of day and most importantly stop and breathe deeply. This will only take a few minutes, it can be done anywhere - in the shower, first thing upon waking or last thing at night in bed, on the train to work even sat on the toilet. Find a time to suit you and do it. 

Listen and if something needs fixing then fix it, whether some early nights are needed,basic back stretches or a chat with your boss about work related stresses your body will let you know exactly what it is you are needing at that moment to stay healthy.  

  

Just try a few minutes for a week, then a fortnight, then a month and then check in again as to how your are feeling and the connection between your mind and body. You might you start doing it more than once a day, maybe first thing in the morning and again last thing at night or that you take longer to check in but finish feeling more relaxed and focused, just see how you go. There is no right and wrong, just listen.  

Couldn't have worded it better!

Has Bipolar saved me?

Has Bipolar saved me? Strange question some might say. At the age of 26 a kind, gentle psychologist confirmed what a locum GP and mental health nurse had explained to me - I have Bipolar Disorder. I do not like the expression 'I am Bipolar' because that is just not true I am me and as for the term 'I suffer from Bipolar' well no that is just not true either. This is personal preference as I have met people who use these terms happily, I personally do not find them very supportive or positive but each to their own.

Previously my life had been full of alcohol, drugs, unhealthy food, smoking and none of this helped my episodes. I later found my actions to be very common and in the medical field referred to as self medicating. I stopped this all a few years before my diagnosis - causing one of my biggest episodes as I removed all my coping mechanisms. Removing all of this did ease my symptoms dramatically and in the time that followed I got married and had two beautiful girls but something was always there and when I fell unwell when our youngest was 6 months old it proved that it could come back at any time with great force and power. I felt that giving up all the 'bad stuff' had been pointless!

That time in my life was the hardest talking about this recently to my husband in his eyes I was coping better than previous episodes as I was calmer and not so explosive. That was because I had given up, I was waiting to be left alone long enough to ensure my time on the physical earth was over. I had planned my funeral, written letters to my parents, husband, siblings and children. I had accepted I wouldn't be here as they grew up and as much as it hurt I saw that as best for them. All I was doing was playing the game here until I could quietly go and stop the pain.

One evening I had it planned, oh my I have never felt relieve like it knowing I had only a few hours left. I put the girls to bed, knowing my husband would be back late from work gave me a couple hours to ensure my passing. I am sat here writing this though so what happened? That night was the only night my husband was allowed to leave work early! Just as I got my final cup of tea he walked in the door. The disappointment, the frustration but what could I do? I made him a cup of tea, chatted about his shift at work and we went to bed. That night I cried myself to sleep knowing I had another day to face!

The next day though I felt slightly lighter, the world around me had a shade more colour, I had a tinge of feelings inside me again for a spilt second, strange I thought. Over the next couple days the colours where brighter, the warmth of my family home began warming me, the smiles were coming more naturally. Maybe life could be manageable after all? I told my husband what I had planned a few days after, showed him the letters I had hidden away as he had come in the door. Although life still wasn't enjoyable I felt I couldn't leave it now either. As each day passed things got slightly easier and after a month I found little things enjoyable again. It took me 3-4 months to be back to myself but each day there was a small improvement but I can honestly say I have never felt like my old self again.

When you've been to that place and are saved little things mean so much more to you, you know the simple things - the night sky, a cuddle, a beautiful flower or view. These were things I never thought I would see again! I had said goodbye to this world then something stopped me. The word saved is truly how I feel, someone/something saved me that night, my husband was never able to come home early again after that and never had been before but that night he was and that saved my life, gave my daughters their mother and ensured my parents didn't lose theirs. That early drive home meant he kept his wife.

My outlook has never been the same. Thanks to Bipolar I now enjoy simple joys like fresh air, beautiful views and warmth. Thanks to Bipolar I now don't seek happiness through shopping and other materialistic goals. Thanks to Bipolar I ensure I eat healthy, rest enough and exercise to keep my body and mind healthy. Thanks to Bipolar I no longer feel I have to conform to what society says I should do/say/think, life is too short for that. Thanks to Bipolar I only have those in my life who I want, I will not waste time on people who cause unhappiness. Thanks to Bipolar after a tough day I remind myself of the little things which went well that day to stay thankful and not slip into the cycle of negative beliefs. So thanks to Bipolar my life has changed so much for the better, I am a more loving, positive individual making me a better wife, mother, daughter and friend than I would have been without my experience. So yes it saved me from myself!

Motherhood and Personal Identity

Becoming a mother showed me a part of me I never knew existed, as like all new parents when I delivered our eldest a new me was also born - a strength I never thought I had, emotions I had never experienced and a love which words cannot describe.

How do you keep you keep your identity when parenthood fills your brain? In those early days there is nothing else on your mind except the small human being you have been blessed with and rightly so. How do you keep your personal identity? Your other relationships healthy and balanced?

These are big questions to me and something I see some people manage more so than others. What is their secret? The biggest problem with me was my personal identity changed dramatically not because I became a mother but because of my own personal head stuff and I do not miss the old me at all. Deep down though maybe this is why I struggle to keep my personal identity separate from Mummy because it all changed so much around the same time. Maybe I should make time to be me away from my children and relax? This is what I am told by friends, family and the media world so it must be what I need to do right?!

Wrong! I love being with my children all day everyday and watching them grow. One day they won't need me around so why do I want to miss it now, I cannot get this time back. I used to believe that I was struggling to keep my personal identity since becoming a mother but being a mother is part of my identity now and that is a beautiful thing. I still read books to relax, enjoy cooking and experimenting with new recipes, love being outside walking, exploring and have a rather sweet tooth - all of these were part of me before motherhood. OK I might not get as much time to do these things alone but now I do this with two beautiful souls by my side. Yes sometimes I want some peace by myself, I am human after all and I ensure when those feelings arise that I let my husband know so we can get it arranged. As our girls get older it is becoming easier though, going to bed early with a book when I need some me time is something our girls get now (the majority of the time) and it has been a perfect way to teach them about self care - an important part of our lives if we are to stay healthy and happy! 

Yes me and my husband miss our pub lunches with friends which lead into afternoons and evenings of laughter and dance, we look back at those days fondly with appreciation but times have changed for us all now and that isn't a bad thing! Maybe we can pick it up again when the children are adults and see who still has the best moves. We enjoy the moments now when we can share a tub of ice cream together when the girls are both sleeping well, they mean more now they are a rare enjoyment.

So to those parents who happily have their regular nights out and lunches with friends child free and enjoy it, keep doing it and keep enjoying it! I have no opinion on your choices I just know that isn't for me. Me and my husband are happy with film nights at home and cuddles on the sofa for our 'us' time and once maybe twice a year when we do go out child free is more than enough for now!